Its Halloween time, and nothing says Halloween like an Awesome costume. Lately the stupid PC police have been raining on everyone’s parade, talking about how your Halloween costume shouldn’t be disrespectful to women or latinos or blacks or whatever, but its just for fun so they need to stop being babies about respect .
Blackface is a classic. So what if blackface was the narrative that contributed to the oppression of blacks from slavery straight through Jim Crow, the makeup is cheap and your fun is worth perpetuating racism in the 21st century. Besides, no matter what kind of character you go as, if it includes blackface, your sure to get tons of attention. But how do you know which blackface costume is right for you? Picking the right one is a matter of taste–are you looking for something more subtle, maybe a socially acceptable black or are you a real risk taker? Here we’ll show you some of the boldest blackface costumes with our very own special level system from beginner to advanced.
There are too many Awesome black people to not dress up as one. So what if you are a white person. Saying whatever you want is your first amendment right–no, as a matter of fact, it’s your privilege –so whats wrong with a little Halloween privilege? If people are staring at your Mr. T costume, its only because Mr. T is so culturally relevant, they wish they dressed as him too. Since you love Mr. T, you automatically are not racist. Pretty sure blackface is okay as long as you like the guy, right? So what if your friends tell you its not cool? What would they know about how cool shoe polishing your face for A-team greatness is?
Dressing up as Crazy Eyes is totally okay because Orange is the New Black won an Emmy. The character is soooo cool, I mean sad too, and so she’s not a stereotype, right, a black woman in prison, so what’s the problem with that? Dressing as Crazy eyes wasn’t tone deaf–it’s tots relevant, just like my friend’s Michonne costume.
I mean, the Walking Dead won an Emmy and even though zombies are wicked gross, Michonne is a strong black woman and totally feminist so she can’t be off limits. These Michonne costumes are everywhere. They’re too popular to be racist. So what if your sorority may be featured in the local news, they just don’t know how cute your pixs looked on Instagram.
Blackface isn’t really like blackface when you dress up as an African, because they’re, like, African. You know your history, and of course blackface was used to denigrate American blacks during the 19th and 20th century, but those were Americans, see? So dressing like an African, thats not racist because they’re Africans. So nothing wrong here, you world history buff. So what if your social media pictures spark international outrage, shaming your family on multiple continents. the outfit was too good to pass up.
Get creative with your reasoning: Only racist do racist things, so if you’re not racist, then racist acts become not racisct, get it? George Bush doesn’t care about black people, but you do, so you can’t be racist. Besides You’re so cool with black people, they might think it’s real! Don’t get mistaken for Kanye in this season’s hottest blackface costume. No one will mistake you for racist, just a clever consumer of all things TMZ, right? Besides, as an educator, you want to set a good example for the kids. If you’re going to do blackface, make sure you really commit to doing the hands too. Kanye’s awesome, and with your wife dressed as Kim K., your couple Kimye costume is worth ending up on the evening news. Its worth writing that apology letter. Its worth the employment consequences that come with Jeezus Level blackface.
White Hood Level
When offending people with blackface is just not enough, trade in the last of your human dignity for this halloween costume. Mocking the death of unarmed teens is sure to make you the talk of the town. So what if your costume is overtly racist, you have the right to act like a walking sack of shit by trading on death and injustice for a few seconds of negative attention. And if you lose you job and your friends because you just couldn’t resist, at least you know that white hate groups are still recruiting.
Remember, dressing up in blackface is always offensive, so definitely be prepared for all the comments you’ll get! Be sure to take plenty of pictures, and post them widely on social media–the internet loves to make blackface pictures go viral, ensuring your moment of racism lives forever. Level up by tagging your boss, your mother and favorite local community organization so they can tell you how proud they are of your ignorant racism, or cut you a final check before they ask you to leave. Whatever your blackface level, get your makeup on and get out there.